why people talk about people
..I’ve been realizing the number of pointless chatter(s) I’ve been having with some of my close friends about how I view and, apparently, don’t understand some people. It’s not that I despise or even hate the people I find myself talking about, but I realize that’s things about them that simply bother me.
The reason I bring this up about myself - and my acknowledgment of it - is because it’s not only my problem, but a lot of other people’s problem too. And whats disappointing is that Quran teaches us about this notion of speaking about others behind their back in Surah Hujurat. It’s not only condemned in Islam, but its an awfully crude behavior as well. But more importantly, I realized that there are reasons behind why people talk about other people, and this is why:
- there’s little introspection of the self. What I mean by this is, sitting down and observing all our shortcomings and faults doesn’t exist. We don’t find the time to sit down with ourselves for a few minutes each day and really think about all that we aren’t and how weak we are (and I don’t mean physically) and our infinite number of shortcomings. Not only do we not find the time to do this, but we fear doing this.
- our tongues become a massive, uncontrollable muscle. speaking about others doesn’t just mean talking about that specific person and the end, but it also seems to be this endless cycle of pointless chatter. when it becomes speaking about that specific person, then it slowly becomes a group of people (who you either despise or can’t stand). Slowly after that, whether you acknowledge this or not, it becomes talking about the community. And then, a school of thought, and then, without realizing it, a nation.
- lack of understanding of who we initially are. when we can’t seem to acknowledge the existence of our insecurities (in that you feel they just aren’t there or not important enough to think about), we tend to notice other people’s faults and weaknesses. I believe that this stems from not understanding who you are as a person; when you find to feel comfortable being alone and tending to your own self, you slowly accept and even tend to change all that you dislike about yourself and work on bettering all that you admire about yourself. People who spend their entire lives speaking about other people truly have no lives (so brush off the misconception that that’s sounds cliche, farthest from the truth).
- being jealous or envious. jealousy and envy often implies that we are discontent with all that Allah has provided us. This is true because when we find ourselves to be so busy studying all that she/he has, all that God has blessed her with “but not me,” and all that she/he is that I am not, we are actually implying that we are not content with all that Allah granted us and blessed us with. And this, I have realized, becomes the case when we lack understanding of Allah.
Look, it happens. Sometimes we’re in the midst of a conversation and find ourselves talking (or even agreeing) about certain people or events. And sometimes, we don’t want to break off a conversation of another by saying “that’s haram! stop that!”
What I find to be problematic, however, is when people literally spend all day sending other people hate messages, speaking about them in private and in public, and literally revolve their entire lives over stalking their profile, blog, or other public accounts.
This shouldn’t be the behavior of people who love Allah and depend on His forgiveness and guidance every single day.
Spend your time reading. Take out a sheet of paper and write some poetry. Hell, even watch youtube videos about hijab tutorials instead. Find time for yourself. Give yourself a few hours to relax and pray at a nearby masjid or mosque. Read to your nephew or help your friends with homework. Point is, occupy yourself. It’s a disease of the heart, so find a means to cleanse your nafs and stay focused. If you’re not focused with yourself, you’ll diverge that focus on someone else, and that’s where the problem lies.
